Valium Vickie

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Transcript of my talk with a Comcast rep

I don't understand why people don't enjoy talking to customer service reps more. It's amazing. I called a Comcast rep the other day, and it started like any other call:

Comcast rep: Thank you for calling Comcast. My name is Steven; how may I help you today?
Me: I'm so wet.

This guy didn't miss a beat. "I'm very happy to hear that, sir. Now, for verification purposes, can you please provide me with ...," the rep shot back. It's impossible to get these people to go off the script. It doesn't matter what you throw at them.

Comcast rep: Thank you for calling Comcast. My name is Steven; how may I help you today?
Me: We gotta get rid of these Mexicans, my friend!
Comcast rep: I'd be happy to assist you that, sir. But first, to expedite the process, could you provide me with your account number and five-digit Zip code.

OK, that last one never happened. But the first one did. And you know what's even better than talking to a Comcast representative over the phone? Talking to one of these guys (or gals) online. Here's a word-for-word transcription of an online chat I had with a very helpful Comcast rep recently: (Note: I changed a few letters in the rep's name because, well, I never know what you're allowed to put on here.)

JaredOne question: Will my late fee be waived b/c I was sorting this billing situation out and did not pay the full amount last month
Nod BoaldLet me check it here, Jared.
Nod BoaldJared, it seems I cannot process the return label to you, however, you can visit this site: and a technician will assist you in this link. Or you can also return your modem to your local office near your place.
JaredOK, that will work
Nod BoaldRegarding the late fee, it will still applied on your bill.
Nod BoaldMay I ask if I answer all your questions and concern, Jared?
JaredWell, I'm kind of unhappy about the late fee
Nod BoaldI'm really sorry I can't waive it for you, Jared.
Nod BoaldI do apologize.
JaredIt's OK Nod Boald
Nod BoaldThank you for understanding, Jared.
Nod BoaldWill there be anything else that I can assist you? I will be glad to.
JaredIs there anyone who would be able to help me with the late fee or is that like pine under the frank as they say in Kentucky
Nod BoaldJared, the late fee is a fine that we charge if there will be a late payment that is made.
JaredNod Boald, when you explain it like that, it makes sense. Also, I haven't told anyone this before but I think I'm I'm going to divorce my wife.
JaredShe a sneaky******, and her cooking is horrific
JaredWhat do you think?
Nod BoaldJared, I cannot give a comment on that, however, every actions is always based on what we perceived.
JaredExactly! Thank you Nod Boald, so you think I should do it then. I knew I was right
JaredThank you so much for your help! I'll leave you with a saying my grandfather used to say to me when I was a boy:
Nod BoaldYou're welcome, Jared.
Nod BoaldWhat would that saying Jared?
JaredGramps (Deceased now): "You're gonna die kid, we're all gonna die. But if I can offer you one word of advice, it's this -- grab the world by the balls and pull that son of a****** til your eyes bleed. Anything less & you may as well just drop your drawers, bend over and say, 'Give it to me, world. I'm a coward and a fraud!'"
Nod BoaldThanks for that, Jared.
Nod BoaldWill there be anything else that I can assist you? I will be glad to.
JaredI hope that means as much to you as it did to me. And who knows, Nod Boald, maybe we'll meet again ... but if not. But if not God Bless you
JaredOne more thing, Nod Boald ...
Nod BoaldSame to you Jared.
Nod BoaldWhat is it, Jared?
JaredI love you, Nod Boald. But I love you in the way I love the entire human race. We're all one! Goodbye.
Nod BoaldThank you Jared.
Nod BoaldAs part of Comcast Customer Guarantee, were here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to answer your questions.
Nod BoaldIt was a pleasure helping you out! Can I ask for a little favor? Please answer the survey after this chat. Your favorable answer will inspire us to continue improving our service. Please click "EXIT CHAT" then "TAKE SURVEY".
Nod BoaldThank you for subscribing to Comcast. Have a great day!
The chat session has been closed
Nod Boald: Analyst has closed chat and left the room