I don't understand why people don't enjoy talking to customer service reps more. It's amazing. I called a Comcast rep the other day, and it started like any other call:
Comcast rep: Thank you for calling Comcast. My name is Steven; how may I help you today?
Me: I'm so wet.
This guy didn't miss a beat. "I'm very happy to hear that, sir. Now, for verification purposes, can you please provide me with ...," the rep shot back. It's impossible to get these people to go off the script. It doesn't matter what you throw at them.
Comcast rep: Thank you for calling Comcast. My name is Steven; how may I help you today?
Me: We gotta get rid of these Mexicans, my friend!
Comcast rep: I'd be happy to assist you that, sir. But first, to expedite the process, could you provide me with your account number and five-digit Zip code.
OK, that last one never happened. But the first one did. And you know what's even better than talking to a Comcast representative over the phone? Talking to one of these guys (or gals) online. Here's a word-for-word transcription of an online chat I had with a very helpful Comcast rep recently: (Note: I changed a few letters in the rep's name because, well, I never know what you're allowed to put on here.)
Jared: One question:
Will my late fee be waived b/c I was sorting this billing situation out and did
not pay the full amount last month
Nod Boald: Let me check
it here, Jared.
Nod Boald: Jared, it
seems I cannot process the return label to you, however, you can visit this
site: http://www.comcast.com/corporate/returnequipment/default.html?SCRedirect=true
and a technician will assist you in this link. Or you can also return your
modem to your local office near your place.
Jared: OK, that will
work
Nod Boald: Regarding
the late fee, it will still applied on your bill.
Nod Boald: May I ask if
I answer all your questions and concern, Jared?
Jared: Well, I'm kind
of unhappy about the late fee
Nod Boald: I'm really
sorry I can't waive it for you, Jared.
Nod Boald: I do
apologize.
Jared: It's OK Nod
Boald
Nod Boald: Thank you
for understanding, Jared.
Nod Boald: Will there
be anything else that I can assist you? I will be glad to.
Jared: Is there anyone
who would be able to help me with the late fee or is that like pine under the
frank as they say in Kentucky
Nod Boald: Jared, the
late fee is a fine that we charge if there will be a late payment that is made.
Jared: Nod Boald, when
you explain it like that, it makes sense. Also, I haven't told anyone this
before but I think I'm I'm going to divorce my wife.
Jared: She a
sneaky******, and her cooking is horrific
Jared: What do you
think?
Nod Boald: Jared, I
cannot give a comment on that, however, every actions is always based on what
we perceived.
Jared: Exactly! Thank
you Nod Boald, so you think I should do it then. I knew I was right
Jared: Thank you so
much for your help! I'll leave you with a saying my grandfather used to say to
me when I was a boy:
Nod Boald: You're
welcome, Jared.
Nod Boald: What would
that saying Jared?
Jared: Gramps (Deceased
now): "You're gonna die kid, we're all gonna die. But if I can offer you
one word of advice, it's this -- grab the world by the balls and pull that son
of a****** til your eyes bleed. Anything less & you may as well just drop
your drawers, bend over and say, 'Give it to me, world. I'm a coward and a fraud!'"
Nod Boald: Thanks for
that, Jared.
Nod Boald: Will there
be anything else that I can assist you? I will be glad to.
Jared: I hope that
means as much to you as it did to me. And who knows, Nod Boald, maybe we'll
meet again ... but if not. But if not God Bless you
Jared: One more thing, Nod
Boald ...
Nod Boald: Same to you
Jared.
Nod Boald: What is it,
Jared?
Jared: I love you, Nod
Boald. But I love you in the way I love the entire human race. We're all one!
Goodbye.
Nod Boald: Thank you
Jared.
Nod Boald: As part of
Comcast Customer Guarantee, were here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to answer
your questions.
Nod Boald: It was a
pleasure helping you out! Can I ask for a little favor? Please answer the
survey after this chat. Your favorable answer will inspire us to continue
improving our service. Please click "EXIT CHAT" then "TAKE
SURVEY".
Nod Boald: Thank you
for subscribing to Comcast. Have a great day!
The chat session has been closed
Nod Boald: Analyst has
closed chat and left the room
