Valium Vickie

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Recipe for a successful beer commercial: One part laid back white guy in casual clothing, one part pathetic-looking dog and one part really cute but not ridiculously hot girl. Put those three things together, and you're guaranteed to have a successful beer commercial. That's all it takes. Sure, there are tons of more elaborate commercials out there. But what's the point? One of my favorite example comes from Miller Lite. Here's the set-up:

The cute -- but not super hot -- girl is draped all over her boyfriend at an outside table of a generic-looking sports bar. A few Miller Lites are prominently placed on the table. The girl's asking the type of hard-hitting questions that always seem to come up when people are having a few beers and watching the game.

Girl: Here's one for you: If me and Buster were hanging over a cliff and you could only save one of us, which one would you save?
Guy: Easy ... You.
Girl: Oh. Me or your mom?
Guy: Sorry mom.
Girl: Your Miller Lite?
Guy (Grinning nervously): Aw, man. (Turns and looks at the girl deadpan) How high's the cliff?
At this point in the commercial, the girl storms off dramatically because her boyfriend failed the test. In the all-important game of "What would you do if you were placed in a situation that would never ever happen game," he couldn't decide whether or not to save her or his three-dollar Miller Lite.

Then, the narrator comes -- while a close-up shot of a tall, sweaty glass of a Miller Lite containing the perfect ratio of beer to head comes into focus and "Taste Greatness" slogan flashes across the screen -- and announces:
"Do you love your beer this much? Well, you could. Try a great pilsner taste of a triple-hop brewed Miller Lite. Taste Greatness."
The commercial ends with the guy hysterically mimicking his girlfriend being all girly and shit:
Guy (Bobbing his head from side to side spastically and raising the pitch of his voice): If me and Buster were hanging off a cliff (returning to his regular voice) What is she talking about?
Buster (returns his lolling tongue to mouth and glares angrily at the guy): GRRRRRRRRRRR.
Guy: I know. Seriously.

Adorable, right? Of course, this guy is going to chose his shitty lite beer that he can replace at virtually any store (except in Pennsylvania because that bullshit Puritanical state only sells alcohol in beer distributors, pizza places, bars and liquor stores) over his girlfriend because that's how much guys love beer. Guys love beer more than their girlfriends and their wives and, of course, way more than their children.