Valium Vickie

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Talk to your doctor about pills, pills and more pills

Drug companies never cease to amaze me. There's this drug commercial out there right that I love. 

It's for an antidepressant ... but there's a catch. The ad (above) shows this attractive, middle-aged woman wrapped in a worn gray sweater at home. She's leaning against her french doors, staring at the outside world with a forlorn look on her face. Her family is also in the shot, but they're so far in background they appear blurry to the viewer -- a strategic tactic to show the distance this woman's depression is placing between her and her loved ones. Then she speaks: "I'm taking an antidepressant, but it still feels like I need more help." That's when the narrator, with the soothing golden voice, jumps in to let her -- and the millions of people like her watching at home -- know that it doesn't have to be like this.

"Approximately two out of three people being treated for depression still have unresolved symptoms," he says, so all the sad, sad Americans know that they're not alone in their struggle.
"If your antidepressant alone is not enough, talk to your doctor. One option he may consider is adding Abilify. Abilify is approved to treat depression in adults when added to an antidepressant ... talk to your doctor about the risks and benefits of adding Abilify today ..."

You know what? No thanks. No. I'm not going to talk to my doctor about adding Abilify. I got a better idea: How about you go ahead and make one pill that actually works? Go back to the lab and mess around with the little mice and figure this shit out? Why can’t you just take the one kind of effective happy pill and put it together with the other kind of effective happy pill and make one super-effective happy pill you greedy sons of bitches? 

Why would they want to do that when it's clear people will take anything that commercials tell them they should, and doctors will prescribe anything the drug companies come up with? Because drug companies know that there’s no limit to the amount of things people will put into their bodies, if there's a chance it'll make them feel something close to happiness. Hey, two to three pills a day to block out a shit life isn't really that bad of a deal when you think about it, right?

The next step

In 10 years, there will a commercial out there that goes, “You’re already taking an antidepressant, an antidepressant on top of that antidepressant and another antidepressant with 600 times the recommended daily dose of B-vitamins to counteract the fatigue symptoms of the first two antidepressants. You rub a mood-enhancing cream all over your body twice a day, drink a serotonin-boosting tea in the morning and use an FDA-approved nasal spray to ward off sadness. But sometimes, it’s just not enough. Insertia can help. Insertia is the only suppository on the market that, when combined with an extensive regimen of antidepressants, can help to lessen the symptoms of depression in adults. Plus, it can help with regularity, as well. Insertia: You stick it up your ass, so life stops getting you from behind.