Valium Vickie

Thursday, May 19, 2011

DJ wanted for a 'Nontraditional Event'

Say you're a disc jockey and out of the blue you receive a request to work an event that is not only downright bizarre, in many ways, it's also morally reprehensible. Do you simply ignore the freak's requests? Or do you say to yourself, "A gig is gig; Who am I to judge" and accept?

That's what I set out to determine with this little experiment. What follows is a series of emails I exchanged with a professional DJ. The names have been changed because, well ... I think that's what your supposed to do in these situations.





On Fri, March 1, 2011 at 4:13 PM, Simon Lyons;CHANGE1@zoho.com; wrote:


Hi Kent


I have a fairly unique event coming up, and I need a very professional, reliable DJ for about three hours. We're very flexible on the date and price, but I just wanted to see if you'd be interested in a less-traditional event.


Sincerely,
Simon Lyons



Date: Fri, 1 March 2011 23:14:29 -0400
Subject: Re: DJ Needed for Unique Event
From: info@foxykentdj.com
To: CHANGE1@zoho.com

Hi Simon,

Absolutely - we've provided entertainment for all events. Can you tell me a little about yours? How can I help?

Kent



On Mon, March 4, 2011 at 2:19 PM, Simon Lyons;CHANGE1@zoho.com; wrote:


My pleasure, Kent.

My organization is called CHANGE, an acronym for Challenging Homosexuals to Accept a Non-Gay Existence. Basically, CHANGE believes that gay, lesbian and bisexual behavior is an illness (not unlike chicken pox, or even alcoholism), that can be, no pun intended, "changed" through proper faith-based counseling. That's the basis for our organization.

Well, Kent, we need a DJ for our first annual "Finding the Right Fit" CHANGE rally. In addition to a barrage of pro-hetero presentations, we need a DJ to play around three hours of music -- the majority of which must be highly romantic in nature and must demonstrate the awesomeness of a physical union between a man and a woman (most of our members are effeminate, if not completely flamboyant, teenage boys).

Please let me know, Kent, if you have any interest in the offer and then we can move forward with discussions on price, availability, etc.

Sincerely,
Simon Lyons, Founder
CHANGE



Date: Mon, 4 March 2011 14:36:22 -0400
Subject: Re: DJ Needed for Unique Event
From: info@foxykentdj.com
To: CHANGE1@zoho.com

Hi Simon,

Sounds like a great event. What is the date that you're looking to host it on?

Kent



On Wed, March 6, 2011 at 9:07 PM, Simon Lyons;CHANGE1@zoho.com; wrote:





Kent,

Thanks much for the prompt reply. Please let me know that you've received this, as I've been having some email trouble.

 It really should be a great event ... and so much more! We truly believe that we can change lives and prevent these troubled, confused youths from ending up like the moral miscreants that pollute our society. With every fabric of my being, I honestly believe that a little faith-based counseling in a fun, festive environment can work wonders. But I digress. We were hoping to hold the event on the Saturday closest to the Fourth (our organization is also very Patriotic -- Buy American-Made!) -- I think the actual date is July 2nd. However, we're open to any Saturdays in July. What's your schedule like in July, Kent?

Simon



Date: Thu, 7 March 2011 00:05:35 -0400
Subject: Re: DJ Needed for Unique Event
From: info@foxykentdj.com
To: CHANGE1@zoho.com

Hi Simon,

Sorry, I've been out of the office today and yesterday doing on-site venue visits and running production on this weekend's events.

July 2nd is actually available for us. If you would like to push forward with that date, it works well for me.

Kent
FoxyKent Entertainment



On Fri, March 8, 2011 at 7:57 PM, Simon Lyons;CHANGE1@zoho.com; wrote:
Kent,

My apologies for the delay; I've been traveling the past few days. And I apologize for the barrage of emails earlier -- I had some email problems where my messages weren't being received.

That's excellent news about July 2nd! One quick question: Would you feel comfortable making a few specific announcements during the rally? Something to the effect of, "It's not unusual to feel certain urges from time to time -- I've even felt them myself. But that's just hormones running rampant or your mind playing tricks on you. All human beings are beautiful. However, God's word is clear: Two men lying together is not only unnatural, it's downright silly." Or something like that.

Let me know your thoughts, and have a nice weekend!





Date: Sun, 10 March 2011 15:23:18 -0400
Subject: Re: DJ Needed for Unique Event
From: info@foxykentdj.com
To: CHANGE1@zoho.com

Simon,

No worries. I have no problems making announcements, but only in a logistical manner (ie., "Welcome everyone...," "Please help me in welcoming...," "Food is now served...," etc.)

As a policy, I don't get involved politically or religiously at the events that I am contracted on. I recommend using "true life" accounts of people who are part of the organization to speak and convey your message.

Kent





From:Simon Lyons (CHANGE1@zoho.com)
Sent:Mon 4/11/11 11:15 PM
To: info@foxykentdj.com

Kent,

That's an understandable policy. And, after some thought, we're going to scrap some of our original initiatives -- such as the "Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve" team-building sessions -- and stick to a less rigid schedule during the rally. Looks like we're just about set to push forward to with this. I'm meeting with the board tomorrow to tell them that I found somebody.

Sincerely,
Simon





From:Simon Lyons (CHANGE1@zoho.com)
Sent:Sun 4/17/11 7:49 PM
To: info@foxykentdj.com

Kent,

Unfortunately, we've run into some problems with the Rally planning. One of our esteemed board members believes having all of these troubled individuals in the same room with music and dancing will undoubtedly result in the type of outcomes our organization is working so hard, so damned hard, to prevent. I'm sorry to say at this time the "Finding the Right Fit" CHANGE rally has been postponed indefinitely. Please accept my most sincere apologies and feel free to entertain other offers for July 2.

With great regret,
Simon

2 comments:

Jason said...

Jared that was just hilarious! How do you come up with this stuff? You had me laughing out loud (and you have to know I'm not lying about that or I would have just said LOL and moved on). Really great. Have you tried this experiment with another DJ? I'd love to know the outcome!

Jason

and66re said...

Thanks, man. Believe it or not, it took a while before I got anyone to even respond to me