A WAY Better Version of 'Dancing with the Stars'


It's amazing how shows like "Dancing with the Stars" and "Skating with the Stars" are so popular. But that's how obsessed Americans are with celebrities. They're so obsessed that they'll tune in faithfully week after week to watch these "Stars" doing things they have absolutely no real interest in. No one cares about ballroom dancing on its own. But when you take a bunch of quasi-celebrities and ask them to compete to see who can become the best ballroom dancer, all of a sudden you have the number one show in the country.

This begs the question: Can you imagine how popular a show would be if it showed these Stars doing things people actually gave a shit about? When are we going to see "Fucking with the Stars," a show that puts down-and-out celebrities with professional adult films actors and gives them a chance to prove they have what it takes to become a legitimate porn star? Obviously you couldn't put it on ABC or NBC, but "Fucking with the Stars," seems like it would be right up HBO's alley. Picture this: After getting the shit fucked out of her by Lexington Steele, Snooki limps meekly over to the judge's table, which consists of former porn stars like Ron Jeremy and Linda Lovelace and whoever the gay equivalent of Ron Jeremy is. First the judges complain about Snooki's camera weight, then they chide her for not arching her back enough in the doggy-style position. Finally, they rip into her for that awful Jersey accent she moans with.