First off, thanks to everybody who read, commented on and shared the letters, ramblings and stories I put up on this thing all year. I know there's a few people who have read everything I put on here, and I really, really appreciate it. I love sitting around and writing this little blog. If I could, I'd move way up into the mountains (no specific mountain range, just "the mountains"), grow a really long, straggly beard and spend my days posting on here and making bathtub gin. Sure, I'd have to occasionally make the two-day trek into town to get my provisions at the general store -- and maybe I'd pick up a stand-up gigs at a random Elks Club or an American Legion from time to time. But mostly it would be the blogging and the gin.
Anyway, I've got some big plans for our slutty little Vickie in 2012. First, I want to design this blog so at least it looks semi-professional and presentable. Then I want to expand the reach of this vehicle of absurdity to as many people as possible. Finally, I'm going to try to post at least once per week; no more of this once-a-month bullshit. If anyone has any advice or ideas on how I can do these things, I'm all ears.
Ok, based on pageviews, here are the five most-popular Valiums of 2011:
5. The Cat's Out of The Bag: A Father's Day Story -- This is a true story about the most creative present my sister and I ever gave our dad, complete with a comparison of my former cat, Hilary, to a random homeless guy.
4. A Romantic Comedy That Doesn't Suck Really ... -- Because I'm a giant pussy, I often find myself saying things like, "No, no, babe. 27 Dresses sounds like a great movie ... let's just get that one." Of course, the upside of seeing scores and scores of mindless romantic comedies is that I'm now officially an expert on the genre. This post is about the romantic comedy I would make if I made romantic comedies.
3. Dear Richard Dreyfuss -- A letter I wrote to the acclaimed American actor (and well-known Taiwanese sex symbol) Richard Dreyfuss about how I let him down when I was a sixteen-year-old prick.
2. My 6 Most Overused Words -- A 677-word explanation of why I use the words Ridiculous, Fuck, Amazing, Jesus Christ, Shit and Nice so often.
1. Dear God Hates Fags -- An actual letter I sent to the morons over at the Westboro Baptist Church in which I asked for their help with a very sensitive family matter. This one was my favorite, too.