The first time I sought out the services of a reliable, professional DJ for a "nontraditional" event it was for a fictional organization called CHANGE -- or Challenging Homosexuals to Accept a Non-Gay Existence -- and I was pleasantly surprised by the response I received from one interested Jockey of the Disc. So I tried it again, with a different fictional organization and an even more absurd acronym. What follows is the word for word email correspondence I had with one highly rated professional DJ.
As usual, the names have been changed, and the actual email addresses, phone numbers and websites have been removed.
From: Kenneth Larson [mailto:XXXXXXXX@hotmail.com]
Sent: Friday, June 20, 2014 3:25 PM
To: XXXXXX@XXXXXentertainment.com
Subject: DJ Wanted For Unique Event
As usual, the names have been changed, and the actual email addresses, phone numbers and websites have been removed.
The Conversation
From: Kenneth Larson [mailto:XXXXXXXX@hotmail.com]
Sent: Friday, June 20, 2014 3:25 PM
To: XXXXXX@XXXXXentertainment.com
Subject: DJ Wanted For Unique Event
Hi Dickie,
I'm new to the Central Somewhere in the United States area, and I'm looking for a DJ for a unique event my organization will be holding. Your company was at the top of the Search list and had excellent reviews, so I figured I'd start here. We're very flexible on DJ style, price and date, so what is your booking process?
Sincerely,
Kenneth Larson
I'm new to the Central Somewhere in the United States area, and I'm looking for a DJ for a unique event my organization will be holding. Your company was at the top of the Search list and had excellent reviews, so I figured I'd start here. We're very flexible on DJ style, price and date, so what is your booking process?
Sincerely,
Kenneth Larson
From: XXXXXX@XXXXXentertainment.com
To: XXXXXXXX@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: DJ Wanted For Unique Event
Date: Thu, 26 Jun 2014 12:11:17 -0400
To: XXXXXXXX@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: DJ Wanted For Unique Event
Date: Thu, 26 Jun 2014 12:11:17 -0400
Kenneth,
Thanks for reaching out to us. Please give us a call at your convenience to discuss your event details and we will be happy to give you pricing and information.
Please let us know if you have any questions or need anything at all.
Best Regards,
From: Kenneth Larson
[mailto:XXXXXXXX@hotmail.com]
Sent: Saturday, June 28, 2014 11:35 AM
To: XXXXXX@XXXXXentertainment.com
Subject: RE: DJ Wanted For Unique Event
Sent: Saturday, June 28, 2014 11:35 AM
To: XXXXXX@XXXXXentertainment.com
Subject: RE: DJ Wanted For Unique Event
Dickie,
Thanks much for getting back to me. As promised, here are a few details on the organization and the event:
Thanks much for getting back to me. As promised, here are a few details on the organization and the event:
Here's some
background on our association: We're an organization comprised of men of all
ages (our youngest member is 26 and our oldest member is 77) with two common
interests: 1) Our unadulterated love of the most beautiful machine ever created
-- the corvette, and 2) our shared hatred of the unfounded stereotypes
associated with the men who share this unadulterated love.
Our organization is called ACOAASP, which stands for the
Association of Corvette Owners with Average- and Above-Average Sized Penises.
Since the birth of the Corvette, jealous individuals have been perpetrating the flat-out lie that the vast majority of Corvette owners purchase these vehicles not because they're superior machines and drivable works of art, but because we're overcompensating for our undersized members. That's simply not the case. In fact, almost a quarter of our members are above average in size, and our treasurer even dabbled in amateur porn before joining the association.
But that's besides the point.
Since the birth of the Corvette, jealous individuals have been perpetrating the flat-out lie that the vast majority of Corvette owners purchase these vehicles not because they're superior machines and drivable works of art, but because we're overcompensating for our undersized members. That's simply not the case. In fact, almost a quarter of our members are above average in size, and our treasurer even dabbled in amateur porn before joining the association.
But that's besides the point.
ACOAASP's mission is simple: To raise awareness that owning a
Corvette has absolutely nothing to do with some crazy preoccupation with penis
size and hopefully enlist a few members in the process.
Because
we're a new organization, we're holding a Beef 'N' Beer to raise some funds to
get the word out about ACOAASP (we don't even have our website up and running
yet!). So we're looking for a DJ for this event.
From: XXXXXX@XXXXXentertainment.com
To: XXXXXXXX@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: DJ Wanted For Unique Event
Date: Tue, 1 Jul 2014 13:16:43 -0400
To: XXXXXXXX@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: DJ Wanted For Unique Event
Date: Tue, 1 Jul 2014 13:16:43 -0400
Kenneth,
Thank
you for the information. This sounds like a great organization and a great
event that we would love to provide services for. What date are you looking at
for the event and where will it be held?
Please let us know
if you have any questions or need anything at all.
Best Regards,
| From: | Kenneth Larson (XXXXXXXX@hotmail.com) |
| Sent: | Tue 7/08/14 12:56 PM |
| To: | XXXXXX@XXXXXentertainment.com |
Dickie,
I'm so sorry for the delay. I was traveling in Europe and had limited access to email. Have you ever been to Brussels? It's a beautiful place.
Anyway, thanks for the kind words and your interest in our event. I have to admit, our organization isn't for everybody and some people find it downright strange. However, it's something we're very passionate about. While there are definitely stereotypes more hurtful than Corvette owners and their members (e.g., the stereotype about all Asian people being late for everything and talking loudly through movies), all stereotypes are wrong.
So we're looking to hold the event either on any of the Saturdays in September, and we're considering holding it at a local American Legion or VFW Hall. Any suggestions are welcome. Are you available.
Sincerely,
Kenneth
From: XXXXXX@XXXXXentertainment.com
To: XXXXXXXX@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: DJ Wanted For Unique Event
Date: Fri, 11 Jul 2014 14:38:37 -0400
Kenneth,
So
sorry for the delayed reply. Yes, we are available for any of them.
Please let us know
if you have any questions or need anything at all.
Best Regards,
| From: | Kenneth Larson (XXXXXXXX@hotmail.com) |
| Sent: | Thu 7/17/14 1:24 PM |
| To: | XXXXXX@XXXXXentertainment.com |
No need to apologize, Dickie. As you can tell, I'm a bit slow on the email lately. Would Sept. 27 work for your schedule?
Kenneth
From: XXXXXX@XXXXXentertainment.com
To: XXXXXXXX@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: DJ Wanted For Unique Event
Date: Fri, 18 Jul 2014 11:44:15 -0400
To: XXXXXXXX@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: DJ Wanted For Unique Event
Date: Fri, 18 Jul 2014 11:44:15 -0400
Kenneth,
No
problem at all. We are definitely available for the 27th of Sept.
Please let us know
if you have any questions or need anything at all.
Best Regards,
| From: | Kenneth Larson (XXXXXXXX@hotmail.com) |
| Sent: | Sun 7/20/14 7:24 PM |
| To: | XXXXXX@XXXXXentertainment.com |
That's wonderful news, Dickie! We were hoping for a reliable and popular DJ and, based on the reviews, that's you my friend!
We have one activity we were planning, and we wanted to see if you would be willing to MC it or if we would be better off going with an ACOAASP member?
Age is just a number ... yeah right, and a Corvette is just a car!
Kenneth Larson
ACOAASP founder and president
From: XXXXXX@XXXXXentertainment.com
To: XXXXXXXX@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: DJ Wanted For Unique Event
Date: Tue, 22 Jul 2014 13:46:19 -0400
Kenneth,
We
can certainly MC the activity as well for you. Or we will have a wireless mic
so that one of your members could speak as well if you like.
Please let us know
if you have any questions or need anything at all.
Best Regards,
| From: | Kenneth Larson (XXXXXXXX@hotmail.com) |
| Sent: | Sat 7/26/14 11:24 AM |
| To: | XXXXXX@XXXXXentertainment.com |
Dickie,
Sorry for the delay. Like I
said, I've been traveling a lot this summer. Ever since I got over my
shingles, I told myself, "Kenneth, you've got to see the world, my
friend." Let me ask you, Dickie: Have you ever sat on a beautiful woman's
lap and basked in the glory of an Alaska sunset?
Anyway, I regress. So I talked to the organization, and we're set to book this event.
As
far as MCing goes, would you be willing to judge a contest? Like I
said, we're all about poking fun at the myths associated with Corvette
owners. It's so ridiculous how obsessed people are with penis size and
Corvette owners, you know?
So we're holding a
"Best Penis Contest," where our members present themselves on stage to
see who has the best member. It's based on audience votes, but here's
the catch: Audience members have to pay to see the contest -- and all of
that money goes right back to our organization.
So, as the MC, we'd just need you to make sure the contest runs smoothly and make a few announcements. You know, standard things like, "Wow, who knew Salvatore was packing like that?" Would you be willing to MC this -- or should we get one of our members?
So, as the MC, we'd just need you to make sure the contest runs smoothly and make a few announcements. You know, standard things like, "Wow, who knew Salvatore was packing like that?" Would you be willing to MC this -- or should we get one of our members?
Please let me know ASAP,
Kenneth
From: XXXXXX@XXXXXentertainment.com
To: XXXXXXXX@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: DJ Wanted For Unique Event
Date: Wed, 30 Jul 2014 12:40:28 -0400
To: XXXXXXXX@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: DJ Wanted For Unique Event
Date: Wed, 30 Jul 2014 12:40:28 -0400
Kenneth,
In order to
proceed at this point I’m going to need you to give me a call to verify
that this is a legitimate event and you are serious about booking with us.
Please let us know
if you have any questions or need anything at all.
Best Regards,
From: Kenneth Larson [mailto:XXXXXXXX@hotmail.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 31, 2014 4:21 PM
To: XXXXXX@XXXXXentertainment.com
Subject: RE: DJ Wanted For Unique Event
Sent: Thursday, July 31, 2014 4:21 PM
To: XXXXXX@XXXXXentertainment.com
Subject: RE: DJ Wanted For Unique Event
Dickie,
Of course, I'd be willing to verify the legitimacy of our event over the phone; however, it appears as though you only have a fax number listed in your email signature. So I'm not sure what direct number I should use to reach you?
Also, I'm a bit taken aback by your question, Dickie. I've tried to be as honest as possible about our organization right from the start. If my memory serves me correctly, I let you know that the event AND the organization were unorthodox starting with the very first message I sent to you. Like I said, we're not for everybody. However, we're very passionate about our organization and this inaugural event. If you don't want to MC the "Best Penis" contest, like I said, I completely understand. It's no problem whatsoever to have one of our members do it. In fact, we have a member who dabbled in Improv during this tenure at Arizona State, and I'm sure he'd be thrilled with the opportunity.
If you're getting cold feet about the event for moral or other reasons, however, I only ask that you be upfront with me; I won't hold it against you. But please don't hide behind some fake claim that you're questioning the legitimacy of our event, because that's just not right.
Please let me know how you'd like to proceed with this.
Regards,
Kenneth
Of course, I'd be willing to verify the legitimacy of our event over the phone; however, it appears as though you only have a fax number listed in your email signature. So I'm not sure what direct number I should use to reach you?
Also, I'm a bit taken aback by your question, Dickie. I've tried to be as honest as possible about our organization right from the start. If my memory serves me correctly, I let you know that the event AND the organization were unorthodox starting with the very first message I sent to you. Like I said, we're not for everybody. However, we're very passionate about our organization and this inaugural event. If you don't want to MC the "Best Penis" contest, like I said, I completely understand. It's no problem whatsoever to have one of our members do it. In fact, we have a member who dabbled in Improv during this tenure at Arizona State, and I'm sure he'd be thrilled with the opportunity.
If you're getting cold feet about the event for moral or other reasons, however, I only ask that you be upfront with me; I won't hold it against you. But please don't hide behind some fake claim that you're questioning the legitimacy of our event, because that's just not right.
Please let me know how you'd like to proceed with this.
Regards,
Kenneth
| From: | XXXXXX@XXXXXentertainment.com This sender is in your safe list. |
| Sent: | Tue 8/05/14 12:12 PM |
| To: | 'Kenneth Larson' (XXXXXXXX@hotmail.com) |
| From: | Kenneth Larson (XXXXXXXX@hotmail.com) |
| Sent: | Thu 8/14/14 1:22 PM |
| To: | XXXXXX@XXXXXentertainment.com |
Author's Note: Following this message, a few days went by without any contact from this formerly interested DJ. I started to fear the worst, so I sent this message:
| From: | Kenneth Larson (XXXXXXXX@hotmail.com) |
| Sent: | Thu 8/21/14 10:32 AM |
| To: | XXXXXX@XXXXXentertainment.com |
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